Lazy ego and even more haiku

Written originally May 5, 2008

Well, I didn't go to the meditation, and I'm already feeling regrets about it. I slept badly, both because of the heat and because I knew I had my alarm ringing at 4.45am. So, around 2.40am I just decided to sleep in (once again).

And now I just want to whack myself with a stick... As I have to wait until wednesday evening's zazen. I can and do meditate at home too, but it's different. There's something in sitting with a room full of people, listening to the footsteps of the godo (the priest overseeing the meditation) and the whacks of his kyosaku (the stick that's used to hit people on the shoulder, only when requested in our temple), the faint incense smoke and the fact that you actually can't move or stop even if you wanted before the 40 min is up. I'm a very restless meditator these days... I can sit 10-15min at home, but 40 minutes would be absolutely impossible.

And I love the sutra chanting after the zazen. It's somehow so relaxing to chant the hannya shingyo and other bits and pieces with the others. And steal glances at our handsome Jûshoku, the resident priest of the temple. ;)

The other reason I keep myself from going is that on top of the fact that my ego is lazy, she's too self-conscious and afraid. I have this stupid idea in my head that I will seem like a freak or something if I get up before 5am to show up at a temple to do zazen. Maybe my un-understanding acquintances would think that, but, and this is funny, I'm afraid that the japanese people at the temple would think so too. I mean, if they see me there, they must be feeling the need to do it too, right? So why on earth would they think I'm crazy? Wouldn't they be the ones to understand, and not the other way around?

No-one ever said that the ego and it's reasons are reasonable... That's probably why it needs to be whacked with a stick from time to time.

And last but not least, as I got some responses to posting haiku yesterday, here's another one that I made for wednesday:

夏籠り　エアコンの前　冷麦茶 ...translated: Shutting myself up in my room in summer, cold barley tea in front the airconditioner.

Commentary: Another one with "natsu", "summer". Why I like this poem is that I transformed a seasonal word for winter, fuyugomori (shutting oneself in in winter), to a summer equivalent, natsugomori, thus making myself a "new" seasonal word (which in itself is of course kinda breaking the rules, but hey, who cares... I'll just call it a word pun). It's not even summer yet, and I'm still starting to feel uncomfortably hot and sticky as there's always some kind of humidity - in Finland the summers are always dry and under +30C. So, my summer plans are as above - shutting myslef in my room in front of my air conditioner with some cold drinks. :)

I'll tell you the comments I get for them later. For my first tries I was told they're too much like waka (tanka - 5-7-5-7-7), meaning that they're too explanatory and I should leave more stuff out (and I do agree). So, now I've been reading some modern and classical haiku, including humorous haiku, trying to get a feeling for what a haiku should be like, and I'm eagerly awaiting for the judgement.